We all long for completeness and perfection to some extent. Every human being on the planet has also experienced occasional feelings of shame, guilt, blame, or inferiority. Such feelings are a natural part of the human condition. They are the source of many of the problems we experience with our relationships, careers, spiritual endeavors, and day-to-day living.
As human beings, we’re conditioned to disown certain parts of ourselves. We don’t like to admit our feelings of shame or guilt, because doing so might mean that we are less than perfect. But how do we define “completeness and perfection?”
Try this sometime. Ask three of your closest friends or family members what their idea of the “perfect day” is. I’m willing to bet you’ll get at least three different answers. So if you do get three different answers to the question, “Describe your perfect day,” what does “completeness and perfection” really mean?
The obvious answer to this is that the term “perfect” is defined by the individual. This means that your idea of completeness and perfection might be completely different from my own. Each of us is in charge of defining what “perfect” means to us.
The good news about this is that if “completeness and perfection” are self-defined, and if my own personal idea of what “perfect” means is causing me stress, then I am free to change it at any time. The way to do this is to realize that all of us have feelings of depression, stress, or anxiety from time to time. All of us fail to live up to our own expectations for ourselves from time to time. We all have our moments of self-doubt. When this happens, we may choose to beat ourselves up for failing to be “perfect,” or we may choose to realize that as human beings, failing to be “perfect” is a natural part of existence.
By learning to love ourselves “warts and all,” we learn the art of radical acceptance of the True Self.
The psychotherapist Carl Jung believed that all human beings contain within them the potential for all behaviors, both “good” and “bad.” According to Jung, the Persona is the mask we wear in our everyday lives. It is the face we present to others. The Persona represents who we think we are, and who we would like to be. The Shadow, on the other hand, represents all those traits we wish to suppress in ourselves. All our anger, fears, and negative emotions and behaviors are pushed down into the unconscious world of the Shadow and denied expression in the Persona.
Jung believed that the key to mental health was a process called individuation. Individuation involves striking a balance between the Shadow and the Persona. The Shadow represents the forces of chaos and darkness within an individual, and the Persona represents the forces of order and light.
While the Shadow contains all of our darker and more negative emotions, it is also the seat of creativity. To deny the existence of one’s Shadow is to deny one’s own ability to be creative. However, allowing the Shadow to rule one’s life creates a situation where the individual is ruled by the forces of chaos and darkness. Jung saw psychoanalysis as the process by which we balance light and darkness within ourselves, thus achieving individuation.
Some moral, religious, and ethical systems try to deny the existence of our darker impulses. These systems focus solely on the Persona. This is the face we present to others. The more such systems of thought and belief suppress the darker impulses in the Shadow, the more unbalanced the individual becomes. In such a case, the Shadow becomes a pressure cooker with no means to release the pressure. In extreme cases, the pressure cooker blows, leading to dysfunction and even psychosis.
Ecospirituality recognizes the need to balance Persona and Shadow. By acknowledging our darker impulses, we open the door to creating this balance, leading to individuation. Many people think that acknowledging our darker impulses means having to act on these impulses. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is one of the misconceptions people often have in their quest for completeness and perfection.
Suppose someone has done something that leads you to be angry with that person. Your first impulse might be the desire to retaliate in some way by returning anger for anger, or by hurting that individual in some way. Those who focus only on the Persona would attempt to suppress and deny this impulse, even though the desire to retaliate is a perfectly normal reaction to being angered. The angrier such a person becomes, the more he tries to suppress that anger until he reaches boiling point and reacts explosively to the situation.
In Ecospirituality, we seek to restore balance by acknowledging this impulse. Instead of swallowing our anger, we would recognize it as a darker impulse. But instead of returning anger for anger, we strive to express that anger in positive ways; perhaps by confronting the source of the anger and saying to the person, “You know, I really felt angry when you _. I don’t want to be angry with you. What can we do to resolve this situation?”
In this way, we are able to acknowledge the anger in constructive, rather than destructive, ways. The anger itself is not “bad;” it is merely a catalyst. It’s up to us to choose what to do with it. Expressing anger in positive ways is one way to achieve completeness and perfection.
When we are able to master this, we will come to the realization that completeness and perfection are self-defined, and since we’re the ones doing the defining, then we get to say when we’ve achieved it.
Share Your Thoughts on Completeness and Perfection!
What do completeness and perfection mean to you? Are you able to define the terms for yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below!