What is your aim in life? Are your beliefs helping you to achieve your aim? Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees. We let our beliefs get in the way.
Our beliefs are a result of our thoughts and feelings. Our choices are a result of our beliefs. If our choices are leading to consequences that we don’t want, we can consciously change those thoughts and beliefs to create consequences that we do want. The easiest way to make better choices is to take a solution-focused approach using the power of intention. Before making any choice, first ask yourself, “What is my intention? Is the choice I’m about to make going to achieve my intention, or is it going to make things worse?”
By focusing on solutions instead of problems we make better choices. We can consciously choose which beliefs to hold to, and which beliefs to change.
The consequences we get in life are based on how we choose act upon our beliefs. Those choices lead to behaviors. If our choices are leading us to behave in emotionally aggressive ways, it may be time to make different choices! Remember, if what you’re doing isn’t working, doing more of the same isn’t likely to work either!
AIM: Choices and Beliefs
Our beliefs (memes) are a result of our thoughts and assumptions about the way the world works. Our choices are the result of our beliefs (memes). We make choices that we believe will support our intentions. The consequences we get in life are based on how we act upon our beliefs (behavior). If our choices are supporting our intentions, then we’ve made the right choices. But if our choices are not accomplishing our intentions, it is time to change something.
Choices consist of three separate elements: Assumptions, Intentions, and Motivations.
Here’s a description of these three elements:
Assumptions
Assumptions are educated guesses that we make about the meaning and purpose of events and circumstances. If these assumptions are supporting our intentions, then nothing needs to change; but if our assumptions are leading us to make poor choices, we may wish to re-evaluate those assumptions to see if they reflect the reality of the situation. By challenging unproductive assumptions, we are able to change them so that we can get the results we want.
Intentions
Our intentions are the goals we set for our lives. Our choices should reflect these goals. If our choices are not supporting our intentions, then we should either re-examine our choices, or change our intentions. If we are continually making choices that don’t support our stated intentions, we may need to be honest with ourselves about our true intentions in making those choices.
Motivations
Our motivations are the rewards we get for making the choices we make. This is true even if those choices seem to be leading to negative consequences. All behavior is purposeful. By seeking out the true motivations for our behaviors and choices, we are better able to be honest with ourselves so that we can find more appropriate rewards.
For example, acting in emotionally aggressive ways may appear to lead to poor consequences, and poor consequences may seem like poor motivators. But could it be that when we act in emotionally aggressive ways that the hidden reward is that we don’t have to take responsibility for our own emotional states? By finding these hidden motivations we are better able to make choices that lead to better rewards.
AIM for Happiness
If we learn to make choices that allow us to be responsible for our own happiness, then there is no need to act in emotionally aggressive ways in an attempt to get others to be responsible for our happiness. One way to learn to make choices that lead to happiness is to examine our assumptions, intentions and motivations in a given situation. These elements work together to help us determine the proper choices to make in order to achieve our life goals.
The AIM for Happiness tool below allows us to analyze our assumptions, intentions and motivations so that we can make better choices. The problem-focused AIM Worksheet looks at assumptions, intentions and motivations that might be contributing to the tendency to make poor choices.
The solution-focused AIM Worksheet tool us to think about some assumptions, intentions and motivations that might lead to better choices.
AIM for Happiness Tool
Assumptions: If you’re facing a problem, the first question to ask yourself is, “What assumptions am I making that might be contributing to the problem?”
For example, suppose you have a partner, and you’d like your partner to share more of his/her feelings with you. You might assume that constantly asking your partner to share feelings might be the way to achieve this goal, but what if instead it’s only making your partner ‘clam up’ even more?
Intentions: The next question to ask yourself is, “What is my intention?” What are you trying to accomplish? Are your assumptions and motivations working together to help you accomplish your intention? If not, what would need to change about your assumptions and motivations in order to achieve your intention?
If what you’re doing isn’t working to accomplish your intention, is it possible to do something different?
Motivations: Finally, ask yourself, “What is my motivation here?”
All behavior is purposeful. This means that people only engage in a behavior if there’s a reward for it. This is even true of seemingly detrimental behaviors like substance abuse or emotional addictions. If we examine our motivations, we can truly be honest with ourselves about why we tend to engage in certain patterns of behavior. If we change our motivation, does it change our intention? Does it change the underlying assumptions?
To use the AIM for Happiness Tool, think about these questions:
- How many of the assumptions you listed were internally motivated? That is, how many of your assumptions were about making choices to change your own behaviors and beliefs?
- How many of the assumptions you listed were externally motivated? That is, how many of your assumption were about getting other people to change their behaviors and beliefs?
- How many of your intentions were internally motivated? That is, how many of your intentions were about things you have the power to change by making better choices?
- How many of your intentions were externally motivated? That is, how many of your intentions were about what other people choose to do?
- How many of your motivations were internally motivated? That is, how many of your motivations were about rewards you were choosing for yourself?
- How many of your motivations were externally motivated? That is, how many of your motivations were rewards you expect other people to choose to give to you?